I'm so tired right now. I haven't slept one hour tonight. From 2 am till 5 am I was up exercising. I took 1100 sit-ups, 50 push-ups, jumped rope for one hour and did run for 1/2 hour. It was terrible. I was so exhausted that had to puke three times. I couldn't breath.

But my weight was 90 pounds this morning=) I know I'm a freak, and I know I probaly have to go back to the hospital on wednesday, but I don't care. I just want to be thin. I want to be 65 pounds again. I have to be 65 pounds again. I can't stand to be fat anymore. This is like a nightmare. Oh God, please let me die, because I can't take this anymore.

I'm very sick right now, and I have finally started to realize it myself, but I don't have the energy to change it. Anoreaxia is back and I can't change it. Please, why can't u kill me right now so I don't have to suffer anymore. I hate this! I have also got anxiety again. I'm so scared. I don't want to leave my room. I just lie in my bed shaking. If I leave my bed it is because I have to exercise or write in my diary here at diaryland.

Sorry if I bother u with my small problems, but I have to write it down some place.

-Nemi-

before - after

© Nemi 2002/2003